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Tactic #30 - I Feel Your Pain
Summary: Actively listening to a counterpart
and empathizing with her feelings.
A counterpart who feels you do not understand his
feelings, needs, or goals may build up a defensive wall. Breaking
through that wall could make the negotiation take two or three times as
long—or you might not succeed in breaking through the wall at all.
Sometimes you are better off letting go of the facts in a negotiation
and focusing on the emotions behind the facts. A counterpart who
believes you are really listening to his needs and goals and understand
how he feels is more willing to cooperate with you.
Example
We were hired by a school district to resolve a
dispute it was having with some parents. The dispute revolved around the
fact that a group of deaf preschoolers was left unsupervised on a
playground. The preschoolers’ parents were angry about the lack of
supervision. They were especially angry because they felt that everyone
who represented the school district was busy documenting facts to “play
it safe,” and no one really cared about the parents’ concerns. We began
to facilitate the negotiation by listening to the parents express their
concerns for nearly two hours. Then our first words to them were, “We
have small children, too, and we can understand why you are upset.” The
parents responded, “We would not have made such a case out of this
situation if someone had listened to us as you just did.”
Counter
One tactic to utilize is If You Were in My
Shoes. In this case, the parents could have said, “If you really
understand how we feel, tell us how you would handle the situation if
you were in our position.”
Another tactic is to make a call for action: “We appreciate the fact
that you understand how we feel. That is important. It is equally
important that we come to a decision about what action needs to be taken
to ensure that this type of situation never arises again.”
This tactic is one of 101 strategies and tactics
featured in The Only Negotiating Guide You'll Ever Need, by Peter
Stark and Jane Flaherty.
To view this month's issue of The Master
Negotiator, the premiere on-line newsletter for negotiators,
follow this link:
The Master Negotiator, Volume 2, Number
6 Listening Skills Part II
To view previous Negotiating Tactics of the Week,
follow this link:
Negotiating Tactics of the Week
Ask the
Negotiator
Dear Peter,
I was in the middle of an intense price negotiation with a large
customer. The customer was not happy with the price I had quoted.
The customer then went over my head and called a Senior Vice
President in our company. The SVP lowered our pricing to the
customer even though in our pricing meeting we had agreed on the
price I gave to the customer. I now feel I have zero credibility
with my customer and less commission on my paycheck. What should I
do so this situation does not arise again?
Will
Dear Will:
This is one of the most common negotiation mistakes a company can
make. It costs organizations millions of dollars each year in lost
revenue. First, you should identify the issues you may need to
negotiate INSIDE your company before you go negotiate with your
customer.
1) Go to your boss when the negotiation heats up and say, “My
customer is not happy with the price. We all know that when this
customer is not happy, they are going to go around me. When they do,
I want your commitment that you will support me with this pricing
structure. If you can’t make that commitment, tell me what the
bottom line is so I can continue on with the customer and
negotiate”.
2) A second strategy is the off-chance strategy. When you know that
your customer is not going to give up, you could ask, “If you want,
I can go back to my boss and see if I can get a better price. On the
off-chance I can get my boss to agree, would you like me to do
that?” The benefit of this strategy is that you maintain control of
the customer.
3) Last, let your boss know that if the top of your organization is
going to cave in on the customer’s demands, you would like to
maintain control of the customer and pass along the new information.
If the customer knows he can go over your head, it eliminates the
need for YOU!
Best Regards, Peter
Ask the
Negotiator - Are you involved in a
negotiation and not sure what strategies or tactics to use?
Send in your toughest negotiation
challenge and our team of expert negotiators will outline a specific
plan to ensure your success. Please send your negotiation
challenge to
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published, we'll send you our special edition Negotiation Mug,
filled with sweet treats.
To forward this tactic to a friend or colleague
please click on the forward link below
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