Why Are Some People Afraid to Negotiate?

Scared woman hiding in officeLast week, a participant in one of our seminars sent us a question regarding the negotiation of a raise. When we talked with the participant, they stated that s/he had wanted to ask for a raise for over two years, but had been afraid to meet with their boss and hold the discussion regarding wages.

Fear about negotiating something as important as your job or how much money you make is normal. In fact, we tend to find that the more important something is to a person, the more emotions are involved in the negotiation. When emotion is involved, the emotion is usually fear. Other common reasons people may fear negotiation include:

  • Concern with how your counterpart will see you: In the above example, the employees may have been worried that their boss would see them as being greedy or ungrateful because they asked for a raise. Those thoughts had an impact on how they felt about approaching their boss and discussing salary.

  • Lack of knowledge about the process or individual: If your goal is to buy a house, and this is your first home purchase, when the real estate agent tells you she has made a previous offer to this homeowner and she is quite certain that your offer of 30 percent below the seller’s asking price will infuriate him, it could make you fearful of moving forward with the offer.

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Negotiation Tactic #23 – Uncovering the Real Reason

Summary: Asking questions to reveal any hidden motives behind a counterpart’s rejection of a deal point.

To be an effective negotiator, you have to learn to Uncover the Real Reason behind a counterpart’s resistance.

Example.

Jack is refinancing a home. His mortgage broker itemizes all the charges associated with securing a loan. Jack asks if the fee for the appraisal for the house can be waived since he had an appraisal done six months earlier and would like to use that appraisal. The mortgage broker says that getting an appraisal is standard company policy and her boss would never approve of waiving the appraisal or the fee. To find out if there is another reason the broker does not want to waive the fee, Jack could ask to speak directly to the broker’s boss. If the explanation the broker has given is not exactly accurate, the broker will probably make a concession. Better yet, if she does let Jack talk to her boss, he may succeed in gaining something he would not have gained if he had not used this tactic.

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Getting Time and Information on Your Side – November 2011 Master Negotiator

Getting Time and Information on Your SideTime and information are two critical elements in any negotiation. To get these elements on your side, you must realize one very important fact: the negotiation process begins long before you ever meet with the other party.

Time

Most people think negotiation starts and ends when the two parties actually meet. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A woman once asked for my advice on what strategy to use when requesting a raise during her annual review with her boss. All the options she had considered dealt with the review session itself. She had not considered the preplanning and information gathering she needed to do to create a powerful negotiation. She had not taken into account such things as: documenting her accomplishments over the previous year; figuring out what her boss’s needs and goals were, and how she could help him achieve those goals; finding out what types of raises her boss had given in the past and in what amounts; nor developing a clear vision of her own goals for the negotiation. The fact is, the negotiation actually began the day this woman started working for the company–and will continue until her next employment opportunity. Most negotiations, like life, are a continuous process. How you spend the time before you meet with the other party is extremely important.

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Purposeful Questioning for Negotiating a Job Offer

Man and Woman Conducting a Job Interview - Peter Barron Stark Companies You are interviewing for a job as a sales representative for a company that makes software for lawyers. Two of your main goals are to have more flexible working hours and to be able to telecommute a couple of days a week. You might ask the following questions to fulfill various purposes.

Gain information: “What specific types of experience are you looking for in a sales representative?” (You might not want to ask “Does the position call for any specific knowledge of the law?” if you are not experienced in that area.)

Clarify or verify information: CLARIFY: “When would you need me to start?” VERIFY: “This is a full-time position, isn’t it?”

Check understanding and level of interest: “What is more important to you – that the salesperson is in the office forty hours a week, or that he increases sales?”

Determine behavioral style: “Would you like me to role-play a typical sales presentation? Or would you prefer to see statistics that show how much I increased sales for my last company?”

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Blackmail, Bribes, Lies and W.I.I.F.M. – June 2010 Master Negotiator

Click here for printable version.

“The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity.”

- Zig Ziglar

Blackmail, bribes, lies and a “What’s in it for me?” attitude are the ingredients behind the Rod Blagojevich scandal. For the past 18 months, the public has been entertained by the allegations against Rod Blagojevich and some of his associates who, among other things, are currently being tried for attempting to negotiate something that shouldn’t even be negotiated in the first place: the sale of Barack Obama’s seat in the senate.

After news stories surface such as the one mentioned above, the word negotiation is given a negative connotation by some people. Negotiation is not a negative thing. In fact, every one of us negotiates almost every waking hour of every day. Whenever you communicate–whether you are trying to get your teenager to clean his room, convince your significant other to take you out to dinner, or encourage an employee to show up to work on time–you are negotiating. Gerard Nierenberg, the author of the first formal book on negotiation, The Art of Negotiating, explains it this way: “When two or more people exchange ideas with the intent of changing the relationship in some way, they are in negotiation.”

When we view negotiation from this perspective, we can see how important it is to improve our ability to negotiate so we can be more successful in achieving our goals. What we want to ensure is that when we do negotiate, we do so in a way that will ensure a win-win outcome–one that meets the needs and goals of both counterparts, and makes both of them willing to come back to the bargaining table to negotiate with each other again at a later time. Please feel free to contact us with any negotiation questions or article ideas. We’ll do our best to address them in upcoming issues. (peter@peterstark.com)

Remember, almost everything in life is negotiable.

Peter B. Stark & Jane Flaherty


What is the role of ethics in negotiation?

The dictionary definition of ethics is: “a system of moral principles or values; the rules or standards governing the conduct of the members of a profession; accepted principles of right or wrong.” Ethics establish the means of doing what is right, fair and honest.

Something may be perfectly legal and still not be ethical. I recently sold a rental house to a tenant who had lived in the home for two years. The tenant offered to buy the house for $485,000. I felt the house was worth over $500,000, so I decided to have it appraised. I told the tenant that if the appraisal came in at more than $500,000, he would have the option of buying the house at the higher price. On the other hand, if the house was appraised at less than $500,000, I would decide if I wanted to sell it at the lower price or hang onto it. The appraisal came in at $480,000: $5,000 less than what the tenant had offered me. I thought about not sharing this information with the tenant, and saying something like, “$485,000 is a deal.” That thought lasted about one minute. Ethically, I felt I needed tell the tenant about the appraisal price. Then, I could decide if I wanted to sell the house for that price or keep it.

You can’t be 95 percent or 99.9 percent ethical. You are either ethical or you are not. Would it have been legal for me to keep the appraisal from the tenant? Yes. Would it have been the right thing to do? People for whom the almighty dollar is the highest value would say yes. For me, to withhold this information was neither right nor fair. In short, doing so might be legal, but it would not be ethical.

The following 10 tips will ensure that you build all your negotiations on a foundation of ethics–which will, by the way, increase your chances of achieving win-win outcomes. Ethical negotiators don’t think only about what they can “get” out of a negotiation but also about what they can “give” to their counterpart. In this way, they take the long-term view. They know that a counterpart who walks away from a negotiation feeling successful will be willing to come back and negotiate again in the future. In Blagojevich’s case, he and some of his associates appeared more interested in what they could get for themselves rather than in building relationships and helping others. That hasn’t done them much good.

  1. Know what is not negotiable. Whenever we work with bank employees, we love to ask the following question: “How much can you steal from this bank before you get fired?” The question always draws a laugh because, of course, everyone knows that anyone who steals from a bank would be fired immediately. This is simply not an area that is negotiable. Knowing what is negotiable and what is not will make you a much more effective negotiator.

  2. Be honest. In a negotiation, whenever you are ethical and honest, even though it costs you something, you gain points. If a counterpart makes an invoice error that is to your advantage and you inform him of it, that costs you something–but it also earns you respect. A client recently called to inform us that we had not sent an invoice for services we had performed for her. That one telephone call let us know that this client is honest. That fact will undoubtedly affect all our future negotiations with her.

  3. Keep your promises. In your eagerness to put a deal together, you may sometimes make promises and concessions you hadn’t planned to make. You demonstrate your ethics when you fulfill those promises long after the desire to do so has left you.

  4. Have multiple options. Going into a negotiation with multiple options will help both you and your counterpart achieve your goals. If someone proposes an option you feel is unethical, you will be ready with another ethical option for accomplishing the same goal. Sometimes you may encounter negotiators who are unilateral thinkers who have only one option. With them, it’s their way or the highway. If their way is unethical in your opinion, you have only one option–to walk away from the deal.

  5. Be willing to say “no.” Some negotiators are quite comfortable looking a counterpart in the eye and saying “no” when they feel something is not right. Others worry that saying “no” seems confrontational, even when a proposal does not seem ethical–then later they regret agreeing to the proposal. Being willing to say “no” to something that is not right is a great strength.

  6. Be familiar with the law. Ignorance of the law is not a good excuse for unethical behavior. When in doubt about the law governing some aspect of your negotiation, check it out.

  7. Go with your gut. Recently, we were in a negotiation with a company and a person in one division of the company suggested that we not inform another division of an action we were planning to take. One counterpart said, “This just smells bad.” What he was saying was that this deal point simply did not feel right. Telling the members of the other division what we were up to, even though we knew they would be adamantly opposed to it, was the right thing to do.

  8. Practice the concept of “no surprises.” Gomer Pyle, played by Jim Nabors, used to draw a laugh whenever he said, “Surprise, surprise, surprise, Sergeant Carter.” What made this line so funny was that Gomer Pyle’s surprises were always negative. My wife is fond of telling me, “If you are going to surprise me, stick it in a jewelry box and put a bow on it.” Making sure that a negotiation does not contain any negative surprises will reduce the chances of an ethical lapse.

  9. Follow the Platinum Rule. The Golden Rule tells us to treat people the way we would like to be treated. The Platinum Rule tells us to treat people the way they want to be treated. Caring about your counterparts enough to treat them the way they want to be treated helps build long-term relationships based on ethics and trust.

  10. Be willing to walk away from a deal. When it comes to effective negotiations, remember, some of the best deals you will ever make are the ones you did not make. All of us have contemplated buying something from an individual, or entering into a business relationship with a company, and just getting a gut feeling that we should say “no.” So we have walked away from the deal. Later, when we heard negative information about this individual or company, the information reinforced the fact that we had made a great decision. In negotiations, your head may try to rationalize deal points to make your gut feel more comfortable. Remember to go with your gut instinct, since it does not rationalize as well as your head.

Putting these tips into use is critical to your success as a negotiator. Your reputation is at stake. A reputation takes years to build and only minutes to destroy. Plus, as some have recently learned, your job is at stake, and, if you take part in illegal and unethical negotiations, your freedom is at stake. Practicing ethical negotiations is not only right–it is a wise investment for your future.

Negotiating your Next Car

Have I Got a Deal for You!

By Jane Flaherty, Sr. Consultant

Red ConvertibleWorking as a consultant, I spend a considerable amount of time in my car. Recently, my old “beast of burden” topped 128,000 miles and started indicating–through a series of sputters, screeches and occasional “pops”–that it was time for me to buy a new car. And did I have a dream car in mind–a midsize, sporty, two-door convertible!

Having recently co-authored a book on negotiation, I felt perfectly ready to negotiate a great deal. So on a sunny Saturday morning, full of excitement, I drove to the nearest car dealer. A salesman immediately approached me. Full of smiles, he eagerly shook my hand and introduced himself as Mike. In hand, I had a newspaper ad clearly displaying my dream car at a most attractive price. When Mike saw the ad, a look of deep disappointment crossed his face as he said, “That baby left the lot just last night. It was a sweet deal that was almost too good to be true. While we don’t have that car at that price, we have some great buys on several similar models. Let me show you.”

Okay, I’d already fallen victim to the old “bait and switch” tactic. I spent the next hour looking at various models with Mike, becoming more confused as the hour wore on. Although the dealer had several similar models, the prices were far more than the price for the car in the ad. Yet the advertised car had been touted as “top of the line.” If it was top of the line, why were models with fewer features selling for more? Plus, the more cars we looked at, the further away we were getting from my dream car. At the end of the hour, I was rapidly losing interest in my quest. Sensing this, Mike made a last-ditch effort, saying, “If we could knock $1,000 off the sticker price of this model, would you take it today?” Insisting that I needed more time to make such an important decision, I fled the lot.

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10 Ways to Lose a Negotiation – May 2010 Master Negotiator

Click here for printable version.

“Your ability to negotiate, communicate, influence, and persuade others to do things is absolutely indispensable to everything you accomplish in life.”

-Brian Tracy

Recently, a seminar participant came up to us during a break and said, “I think I made a huge mistake in a recent negotiation regarding budgets.” The participant went on to add that she did not counter her CFO’s original budget number for her department. What gave her the feeling of buyer’s remorse is that two of her peers had each countered the original budget figure offered by the CFO and through negotiation, had their budgets increased.

Hind sight being 20/20, it is hard to say whether it was a mistake or if the participant received a great deal on her final budget. What we do know is that specific skills, when practiced, lead to better negotiated outcomes. Please feel free to contact us with any negotiation questions or article ideas. We’ll do our best to address them in upcoming issues. (peter@peterstark.com)

Remember, almost everything in life is negotiable.

Peter B. Stark & Jane Flaherty


Not satisfied with your negotiation outcomes, but not sure what is causing the problems? If you feel you are continually striking out, it’s time to reassess your approach and see if you are hurting your negotiation more than helping it.

Below, find the top ten ways to lose a negotiation.

  1. Be Pessimistic

    In every negotiation, counterparts have one of three visions of the outcome. The third type of vision is a negative one. These negotiators know they are going to lose the negotiation before they ever begin the process. The second type of vision is to obtain the status quo. You are not trying to win or lose anything: you are just trying to keep what you have already achieved.

    Vision number one, which is where you need to be if you want a win-win outcome, is a compelling, positive vision. This counterpart sees himself as successfully negotiating with their counterpart and achieving his goals. Great negotiators have a positive vision of the outcome and plan a strategy to turn the vision into a reality.

  2. Don’t Worry About Preparation

    Many negotiators prepare on the way to the negotiation. Or better yet, they use their first meeting with the counterpart to go in and determine the counterpart’s position. That’s great as long as the counterpart came into the negotiation with the same amount of preparation.

    The side who is the best prepared, usually receives the best outcome. If the counterpart spent a few hours of preparation to research you, your customers and your competitors, and you didn’t research them, you are going to be at an unfair advantage. It is amazing that in the age of the Internet, some people don’t even go to the web to do five minutes of research prior to the negotiation. Like we learned in school, doing your homework will almost always help you to be even more successful in your outcomes.

  3. Lower your Aspirations

    If you don’t expect much from the negotiation, you’ll always be pleasantly surprised by the outcome, right? Wrong!

    Good preparation goes hand in hand with high aspirations. When you go into a negotiation, you need to identify three points of information. First, you need to clearly articulate your goal. If the new software is quoted at $5,000, then what is your goal for the final price? If your goal is to pay less than $5,000, then you can never open up the negotiation at $5,000. You need to identify your second important piece of information which is your wish. To get a really great deal, your wish would be to buy the software for $4,000. The reason you need to establish a wish to open your negotiation at is that if you start the negotiation at $5,000, your goal, then you will always be negotiating on the wrong side of the fence. When you start the negotiation at $5,000, you are most likely going to end up higher than your $5,000 goal. But if you start at $4,000, your wish, there is a good chance you will end up somewhere between $4,000 and $5,000. Last, you need to identify your bottom line. If this software rises above $5,000 with add-ons, at what price are you willing to walk away from the table and go seek competitive bids? When you raise your aspirations by opening up your negotiation at your wish, you almost always achieve a better outcome.

  4. Never Compromise

    If you don’t compromise on anything, you can be sure that your counterpart will not want to negotiate with you again.

    Always compromise, except when it comes to core values. The core value may be quality, profitability or fidelity. When it comes to core values, negotiating becomes a slippery slope that usually becomes a lose-lose outcome. If the deal point is not a core value, we have found, in most instances, that it is beneficial to compromise and achieve a win-win outcome. Could you have done better? You can always do better. But, if you consider what your time is worth and more importantly, how you enjoy spending your time, the right decision is usually to compromise.

  5. Say “Yes” to the First Offer

    When you say “yes” to a counterpart’s first offer, you statistically increase the chances of undermining the deal.

    Don’t ever say “yes” to a counterpart’s first offer. People expect you to counter their first offer. Don’t disappoint them. Think about it. Someone is selling their car for $10,000. You offer them $5,000 and they extend their hand and tell you, “sold.” There would be two thoughts racing through your mind. The first thought would be, “I should have offered $4,000.” The second thought would be, “Something is wrong with this car.” Neither of these thoughts are motivators to encourage you to move forward with the deal.

    If your counterpart offers you the perfect price, then counter with another deal point like timing or a condition of sale. For example, on the car deal above, you could say, “I could accept the $5,000 but only under one condition: that you pay me today all in cash.” Always counter.

  6. Don’t Walk Away

    We are fond of saying: some of the very best deals we have ever negotiated are the ones we did not.

    Sometimes, the best deal you can make is to walk away. When you walk away, it is important to remember you are not creating a lose-lose or win-lose outcome, you are creating a “no outcome.” No outcome is very different than a lose-lose outcome. Most people have had the experience of walking out of a car dealership without making a purchase. In this example, you most likely will end up buying the car from the same dealership on a different day or you will buy it from a different dealership. The original dealership is either going to sell the car to you on a different day or they will sell it to someone else. On the day you walked out, no one lost. There just was no outcome in the deal.

  7. Talk More than Listen

    The old cliché is right. You’ve got two ears and one mouth and, in a negotiation, it is advisable to use those parts in direct proportion.

    The best negotiators are great listeners. By being a great listener, you are showing your counterpart that you value them and their opinion. When people feel valued, they are much more likely to concede and work toward a win-win outcome. When great listeners do speak in a negotiation, they usually practice the art of asking great questions, which facilitates even more listening.

  8. Forget About Multiple Options

    In a negotiation, when you do not have multiple options, you tend to throw your anchor over the side of the boat without a line attached.

    When you develop multiple options so that you can pull up your anchor and try a different strategy or tactic, you will become a resourceful negotiator. If each counterpart has three different options of how they can successfully achieve their goal, almost always, a win-win outcome can be achieved.

  9. Don’t Find Out the Needs and Goals of your Counterpart

    If you don’t know the needs of your counterpart, you will be unable to reach a win-win outcome.

    While communicating, pay attention to clues that your counterpart drops about their needs. In every negotiation, there are two types of needs operating. Your counterpart will always tell you their explicit needs, which are things like: price, quantity, delivery, warranty, terms, etc. However, they will never tell you their implicit needs, such as: looking good in the eyes of their boss, being liked, being right and feeling valued. Great negotiators know that it is the implicit needs, not the explicit needs, which drive the outcome of a negotiation. Help your counterpart meet their implicit needs and you will find it even easier to achieve a win-win outcome.

  10. Only Use One Strategy

    What if the one strategy you have fails? The negotiation will not end well.

    Great negotiators continually build their repertoire of strategies and tactics. The average person uses three to five strategies or tactics that they have mastered from using over and over. Sharks or bullies usually have less than three strategies and/or tactics. They need fewer tactics because the ones they do use, like yelling or swearing, work so well. In our best-selling book, The Only Negotiating Guide You’ll Ever Need, we review 101 different strategies and tactics you can use, and how to counter if someone ever used the tactic against you. To help you build your skills, you can also sign up for our free Negotiation Tactic of the Week newsletter. Start putting a few new strategies into play and have fun as you observe the results.

There you have it. The top ten ways to lose a negotiation. In your next negotiation, pull out this list and put a check by each one as you ensure that mistake is not going to derail your ability to successfully achieve your negotiated goal.

Negotiating with a Bully, Shark or, Jerk… What Should You Do?

Based on our research from seminars and training on negotiation skills, we have learned that the most difficult person for many people to negotiate with is a bully, more effectively referred to as a shark in our book, The Only Negotiating Guide You’ll Ever Need.

When most people encounter a shark, the number one goal that jumps in front of them is to get away from the shark. No one likes to deal with a jerk. The problem is, to get away from a shark in a negotiation, many people tend to give in. It is a simple strategy: give the shark, bully or jerk something they want and then GET OUT.

The problem with this strategy is that this is the worst thing you can do when negotiating with a shark. Giving in only rewards the shark and increases the chances they will rely on bully tactics the next time they negotiate with you. The best strategy is to get closer to the shark. We have four different tactics that will help you do that:

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The Role of Power in Negotiation

The word power has had a bad connotation for many years.

It has received this reputation because most people associate the word with one side dominating or overpowering the other. I define power as the ability to influence people or situations. With this definition, power is neither good nor bad. It is the abuse of power that is bad.

Types of Power

Various types of power can influence the outcome of a negotiation. I emphasize the word can because if you have power but don’t use it, your power is of no value. The following are a few types of power that can be significant in the negotiating process:

  1. Position. Some measure of power is conferred based on one’s formal position in an organization. For example, if you are the marketing manager, you can influence decisions that affect the marketing department.

  2. Knowledge or expertise. Knowledge in itself is not powerful; it is the application of knowledge that confers power. It’s important to take the time prior to a negotiation to research facts and statistics, find out what the other party’s goals are, and discover what areas he or she might consider negotiable–and then use this knowledge!

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10 Tips to Create a Win/Win Outcome

In our negotiation video, 10 Tips to Create a Win/Win Outcome in Negotiations, we spoke about the first five tips to create a win/win outcome in a negotiation:

  1. Remember, everything is negotiable
  2. You need a compelling, positive vision
  3. Advance preparation is critical to your success
  4. Ask great questions
  5. Listen

Here are tips six through ten.

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